Did I Shave My Legs For This?

The Sailor's Dictionary Part 4

Skate - Noun: A person who habitually gets out of or avoids work of any kind, i.e. skater Verb: To get out or avoid work.

Ricky - A new recruit

In the Navy since Breakfast - You know, a new guy. (the term is usually used when said new guy is a know-it-all)

Crank - Someone who works on the messdecks, but is not a cook. In the more recent PC times, cranks are referred to as FSA (Food Service Attendants)

Gundeck - Basically, not actually doing the job, but saying you did. Or worse, signing your name saying you did. Falsifying a record.

Sweepers - A twice-daily ritual of basic cleaning.

Rape for Parts - When you take a piece of equipment that is already inoperable and use its parts to fix another.

Lay Below - To go below the weather deck, or a lower deck

Snot Locker - Nose

Hit the Beach - Go out of liberty, get off the ship

BOSNIA - Big Old Standard Navy Issue Ass

WestPac Widow - Women whose husbands are out to sea (West Coast)

Birdfarm - An aircraft carrier (birds = planes)

Non-skid - a rough coating on the weather decks (outside) that keeps you from sliding. Not good to fall on.

Coffin Locker - The space beneath a rack to store personal items (you actually lift your rack up and tada!)

Ahh, underway yet again

So, here I am back in the big blue wet thing for a three day underway. Okay, two-and-a-half days. I've been rather blah today. I have so much to do before deployment and it seems I have so little time to do it in. Every time I turn around, we're underway. How can I get anything done when I'm never home? I'm just sayin'.

I have no fucking idea what today is

I've been sleeping on and off for two days. I was infected with what we like to call the Ventilation Crud. It sucked really bad. But luckily, I did get the chance to sleep and recharge my body. I'm not back to 100% yet, but I am definitely getting there.

We didn't get those rough seas that were promised, only because we ran away from Bertha. Yay. Doing that might extend our underway time. Boo.

Now the ship is going in all sorts of wonky directions because they are letting the new Ensigns drive the ship. At. Full. Power. What are they thinking?

Insert pithy catchphrase here

Holy crap. I'm running behind. A few days of River City and I have about 211 posts to read on bloglines. That's usually why I never make comments, I get so tired of reading.

Today we did an UNREP, or Underway Replenishment. We pull alongside an Oiler and they send over a big hose and we refuel while going between 8-12 knots in the middle of the ocean. It is really cool the first couple of times you see it, but after 17 years, I just get annoyed because I can't smoke for a few hours. UNREP looks like this:

The ship on the right is a DDG, like what I'm on. If you look in the distance, you can see another ship approaching.

We're heading into some bumpy weather. The Captain is telling us that it's going to get bad for the next 24-48 hours. I get to laugh at people getting seasick. Unless of course it gets really, really bad, then it will be my turn to get all vomity. Yay.

River City my ass

So, we have this thing called River City, right? There are levels of the RC shit that allow/disallow things such as internet access, email, blah blah blah either outgoing, incoming, or for certain ranks of personnel. Needless to say, I haven't been able to get on the internet since my last post. Fuckers! And I had some pretty good things to say and now I can't remember them. Shit.

Just another day

Still doing circles in the big blue wet thing. I really don't want to do anything. I have lost my motivation. Have you seen it? If this underway is any indication, it is going to be a rough deployment. I need to find a hidey-hole. A sort of physical happy place where I don't have to deal with my Chief. *sigh*

If anyone wants my ship's address, email me and I'll send it to you. I don't want to post it in public for good reason. If someone could send a constant supply of Red Bull, that'd be great. LOL! It might be a while before I can answer. I can't check my gmail account on the ship, and I have yet to forward it to my ship account.

I'm wearing my hair down today. Every now and then they sell these chits through our Morale thingy where the guys don't have to shave and the girls don't have to put our hair up. It's kinda cool and out of the norm. I constantly get comments about how long my hair is getting, as well as some psuedo-pervvy ones from some of my male friends.

Ah...just another day in the Navy.

The Sailor's Dictionary Part Tres

And this will be the final installment for now...

Pucker Factor - Tension casued by a stressful situation or dangerous evolution. Refers to the involuntary tightening of the sphincter.

Bilge Rat - Someone who works in the most lowerdecks of the ship

Shipwreck - Derogatory term for a fellow sailor; a shitbag

Vitamin M - Motrin. The cure-all of the Navy.

Salty - A Sailor with lots of experience.

Polish a Turd - Making the most of a bad situation.

Oscar - The dummy used as a prop for man overboard drill, named so after the flag denoting man overboard.

Nominated for an Oscar - The sailor picked to be respresented by Oscar to see if anyone notices and marks him/her missing.

Pecker-Checker - A Hospital Corpsman, the ship's doc.

Vampire Liberty - Getting the day off because you donated blood.

PFM - Pure Fucking Magic. A term that applies to when things work, but you have no idea how.

Two Digit Midget - Someone with 99 days or less either on their current tour, or in the Navy.

Gerbil Alley - Otherwise known as Jebal Ali in the UAE.

Float Test - To toss something overboard.

Topsider - Anyone that doesn't work in Engineering. Refers to the fact that engineers are always down below the waterline.

Canoe Club - The US Navy

I hope that helps the next time I start typing some random shit. Maybe.

The Sailor's Dictionary Part Duece

To continue on...

Dick Skinners - Hands

Sliders - Hamburgers

Dog the Watch - When two people share one watch to make it shorter.

Cinderella Liberty - When you have to be back to the ship by midnight.

Donkey Dick - The nozzle of an inline proportioner in a firefighting hose line for AFFF.

Wheel Book - A small notebook (traditionally green) used for reminders.

Screaming Alpha - A person on fire - refers to an Class Alpha fire, which leaves ashes.

Rain Locker - The shower

Pit - Bed, as in "I'm going to go hit my pit"

Trice Up - Make your rack

Small Boy - Any smaller class ship, i.e. Frigate, Cruiser, Destroyer. Opposite of Big Deck.

Whiz Quiz - Urinalisys (See also Operation Goldenflow)

Meat Gazer - Unlucky observer for said Whiz Quiz.

Reefer - The ship's refrigeration, not a joint.

The Sailor's Dictionary

No, my rack doesn't refer to my boobs; though it normally does. So I've decided to make a quick and simple primer for any landlubbers out there.

Rack - My bed. The place I see only a maximum of four hours a day.

Scuttlebutt - Can be either gossip or a water fountain. It's the Navy's version of the water cooler.

Five and Dime - Five hours of watch with ten hours of non-watch time. This rotates continually. This morning I went on watch at 0700. Tonight I'll go back at 2200 (10pm). Out of those ten is the maybe-if-I'm lucky four hours of sleep.

O-dark-thirty - That ungodly hour you have to get up and work. Normally between the hours of 3 and 5am.

Head - the bathroom, or water closet. Not the stuff in pornos.

BOHICA - Bend Over Here It Comes Again

HMFIC - Head Mother Fucker In Charge

Balls to 4 - The watch from midnight (0000 - looks like balls) to 4am.

Steel Beach Picnic - Having a picnic on the ship, usually the ass-end, or fantail.

Bitch Box - An intercom used around the ship.

Butt Kit - An ashtray

Diode - An electronic component, or someone who thinks only of themselves. i.e. they go get a soda, but they don't ask anyone else if they want one.

By the way - WTF was said in the Navy way before it was used online.

Rambling around in my head, aka the Long Underway

So it is after 9pm and I'm about to work. Sorta. I have the next watch, which will bring me until about 2am. I caught a nap, but I don't think it's enough. I feel like I've been underway for a week already instead of just one day. Doing five and dimes is no fun. Not a lot of down time, let me tell you.

Three weeks. That is how long I'll be out here. Just a little taste before September's six-and-a-half, maybe seven, month deployment. Joy.

Thinking about making a deployment wish list, you know, slim jims, sunflower seeds and shampoo. My mom makes the weirdest care packages. She'd have a bunch of cool stuff like hot chcolate, animal crackers with a windchime thrown in. What the heck am I going to do with a windchime on deployment?

I need to go get my iPod cable out of my rack. If anyone needs a dictionary to follow along, let me know.

One more thing

So, yeah, thought I fooled you again, right? Oh sure, Lisset is posting again, so she says. And surprise surprise, she's gone again. I have two words for those of you cynics...

Fuck you. *grin*

Now that that is done, I'll let you know what I've been up to, besides a very stacked 5'8" and a half.

I have been through hell folks. We have completed the inspection of all inspections. The end all be all of any Navy ship that floats. It only lasted for three fucking days, but the two and a half weeks leading up to it - well let's just say it was a nightmare. 16-21 hour work days, including weekends. Lots of griding and painting outside. I have the most fabulous farmer's tan. Seriously. My arms, face and neck look like I spent two weeks down in Mexico while the rest of me looks like I've been in an ice cave all my life. It's very sexy. I feel like a farmer goddess. So now that its over, you'd think that we'd get to wind down. NoooOOOooo. Not us. The crew has decided that the ship's motto is now "One More Thing".

I'd really like to give them one more thing.

Is it Hot in Herre?

It's hot as fuck. I'm out to sea and none of the AC units seem to be cooling properly. And I get to deal with this all week. Yay! The heat drains me. It's not like Bahrain; at least there the AC worked.

I really don't have much to say. I had duty on Saturday and sweated my ass off. Sunday I stayed home and did lots of laundry to get ready for this week. And now I'm here. Still sweating my ass off.

And that's all.

AAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I hate CPS.

OH. MY. GOD.

I work for the most selfish motherfucker, I swear. It's all about him. He has a wife. He has kids. He had to stay onboard the ship for three days. Well, la-de-fucking-da! He didn't have to work seven straight days with no day off. He got to enjoy the entire three day weekend while I was here doing a fresh-water washdown that was totally unnecessary! Have I mentioned lately how much I am ready to retire? Fuck me. I'm am so fucking tired of this ship, and the majority of the people on it. I've decided that they can all go to hell after they slide down a salted razor blade into a vat of lemon juice on their way. Anyway - I threw it out there that I was taking Friday off. Just said it. Didn't ask. Ha! Take that.

So anyway - I have to hang out onboard all day and all night. And all day tomorrow. Not fun at all.

It seems as though I've run out of steam.

Thanks for all the comments. I've missed you guys. *mwah!*

What did you expect? Fools often sometimes forget. Who really knows what's the truth

So today has been another busy day. I get to sit in a wittle bitty boat from midnight to three in the morning on Wednesday. Yay! "They" have made this massive watchbill for this Force Protection exercise we have going on tomorrow and the next day. I get to be on the boat to make sure that people don't throw too many tennis balls. Long story, maybe later.

I have a couple of whiners that work for me. God, it gets so frustrating, and so old to deal with that crap on a daily basis. Especially when it is from someone that is even older than me. Grow the fuck up people! You can't tell me that even though you have been in the Navy for only five years that the 30-something years you were alive before didn't give you some common sense. And pulling that "But I have this going on, and I have that to do" will NOT get sympathy from me. I've been in for 17 fucking years and if I can deal with the bullshit, then so can you. You joined the fucking Navy and you're on a fucking ship that goes out to motherfuckin' sea whether it's scheduled or not. FUCK!

I don't think I've use so many font effects in quite a while.

Now I need a damn cigarette.

Happy Turkey Day

So it's Thanksgiving Day, and I'm on the ship. Whee. I have the Duty Blues and I'm stuck here all day. Yay fun.

We pulled back into Norfolk on Tuesday and I didn't get home until after 7pm. Yesterday I got off early, but I decided to go shopping. I bought myself a new stereo that plays CDs, CD-Rs, CD-RWs, flash drives and will dock any iPod under the sun. And it's smaller than a breadbox.

While we were underway, we did circles in the Bermuda Triangle. It was an interesting experience - all my equipment went haywire. Stuff just started acting funny or breaking altogether. Then everything started working again. Well, except for the broken stuff. It was weird. We pulled into Mayport, Florida for a little more than a day and I proceded to get drunk. Go me.

Well I'm off to go muster and bitch about how crappy having duty on Thanksgiving is. Gobble gobble motherfuckers.

(You know, it's funny. I haven't said shit about my private life, prolly because I don't have one. Sad.)

Underway Day 4/5

I used a slashie because it's 5am. So though it may technically be Monday, it's still Sunday to me. I got some gripes to share for no particular reason.

It really sucks to be so close to land, but you're still doing circles in the water.

Don't bitch about being told you're doing something wrong when you didn't go to the meeting, didn't get briefed on the drills, didn't read the drills and when you decide to jump in and try to run the drill yourself, especially if that someone who told you did all those things and knows how to run a damn drill. And if you want more training, ask for it dammit, don't just assume everyone is going to give it to you. We all have "real" jobs and work hard, so take the inititive and make the fucking effort to ask somebody.

If you ask if anyone has any questions, don't get pissy when someone actually asks one.

Before you go jumping down my throat because you heard the tail end of what I said, ask first before you start assuming that I'm talking about you. You're not that important to my life to talk about you and your earjacking only makes you look like a chump. Remember that assuming makes an ass out of "U" and...nope, you're the only one that looks like an ass.

The ship has three AC plants. The temperature in homeport is in the low 50s. The ship gets underway with 2 AC plants online. The temperature of the water is now in the low 90s. The ship needs to turn that third fucking AC plant on because it's hot as shit everywhere. It's cooler outside than it is inside. That's a problem.

If you're writing an email to the entire command, do not type like you talk. Please. Mines is not a plural possessive pronoun. It is however more than one explosive device or excavated mineral deposit. Seriously.

If your job is basically messenger boy, then be messenger boy. Don't tell me how to do my job. If you want to do my job, then get your ass up here and do it. If not, then STFU and GBTW.

Now I feel better.

Just when you thought it was safe...

...to enjoy some time off, I have to go underway again. I would have posted while I was home, but I was too busy doing laundry and getting stuff together for this underway period. It's quite warm where we are, even though we just left 50 degree weather yesterday. I'd tell you where I am, but I'd have to kill you. Just know that there's water everywhere - as far as the eye can see.

And I've been up all night, I might sleep all day.

I'm mid-way through the 0200-0700 watch. I am damn tired, let me tell you. I've been studying for a Damage Control test and tomorrow I have an Officer of the Deck board. Sweet. Have I mentioned that I am ready to pull in? At least I get to climb in my rack after seven and get some sleep. I hope nothing comes up while I get some shut-eye. That would just suck.

And I guess I'm not really studying if I'm doing this. Oh, and watching Indiana Jone and the Temple of Doom.

Just and hour and a half to go...

Just not feeling it.

So yeah. Still underway. I probably have an asston of things to do, but I really don't care today. I am so ready to get home and sleep in my own damn bed. And take a bath. And a martini. A glass of wine at least.

As usual, there is drama, some involving me directly. Sort of. Someone doesn't like me and expressed these dislikable feelings to others. *shakes head* You figure adults should act like adults, but nooOOOooo. Not happening. I'm so over it but it keeps on coming at me. All I'm trying to do is my job and go the fuck home. Tuesday can't come fast enough, let me tell you.

Other then working on qualifications and making sure equipment is getting worked on, I've been standing watch and running drills. Go me. Oh, I did get to shoot the 9mm (225 out of 240) the shotgun and the M16 (28 out of 30). I feel so macho. Not.

I guess I better go and do something so I don't look like a total shitbag. See ya!

Anchors away

So, I haven't ignored anyone, I promise. I've been "Haze Gray" and the ship has had connectile dysfunction. Our internet has been spotty, to say the least. And now I'm taking advantage of it.

We pulled out from Annapolis this morning. We were in town for the Navy homecoming game, which they lost, badly. It's a nice town. I'm sorry Scott that I didn't call. I feel bad, really bad. I know it's not an excuse, but I had a LOT to drink. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

So now we get to run around in circles and things are getting busy again. And I better get off of here so I don't get in trouble surfing a non-official website. TTFN!

Quotable quotes

So you know how a group of friends have their own vernacular? How these particular words and/or phrases are said that only that group of people get it? I've actually contributed some of my own. They may not be original, but hey, their mine.

Who does this? (said when someone does something on the idiotic side, or when some sort of illogical action is taken by the ever-present "Them". Can be answered with, They does this, I does this, or the Navy does this.)

You're done. (Said when someone does something dumb.)

Your man card has been pulled. (Kinda obvious)

It's okay, we're good. (Total private joke. Will explain at a later date.)

I don't know why I'm writing about this, but you should be happy I'm writing!

Move along, nothing to see here

Nothing going on tonight. I'm just spending a nice quiet evening at home. The week was pretty busy, culminating in me getting CDO (Command Duty Officer) qualified. I was supposed to have plans tonight, but my friend is too sick to have his own going-away party. So I'm laying low and relaxing. Thankfully. I need to because I feel like I've been ran over by a truck. I slept great last night, but I didn't want to wake up this morning and I've been dragging ass all day. I also found a recipe for coconut chicken and glass noodles that I want to try, but I don't have the energy to do anything but veg on the couch.

Yay fun.

Waiting is hard

It really is. I know how it's going to be eventually, but I'm on pins and needles for how long it will be. I'm very anxious to hear something, anything. What a fucking pain.

One of my coworkers talked to the detailer who is here all week on a visit. He mentioned my current professional/personal "predicament" to him. Basically I was told to come see him, it wouldn't hurt. Yeah, like he can do anything with everything up in the air as it is. Whatever. I did put in a request to extend my EAOS (My due-date for civilian life) to my PRD (When I get the fuck up out of here) so that they match. By doing this, it will be much easier to reenlist for the remaining four years instead of reenlisting and the possibility of them telling me to fuck off to extend to 20 years. I say that because I think they would do anything in there power to fuck over someone's retirement, i.e. get out of paying them for all the years of service they've given to this canoe club.

Yeah, at the moment I'm a wee bit bitter. Why? No, it's not the result of someone pissing in my Wheaties's. On a personal level, the Navy is just getting in the way. I'm just tired. I'm not going to slack off and become a dirtbag or anything. It just might be that I've had enough. Meh.

Be careful what you wish for

Well, I got a phone call this morning. I'm off the watchbill! Suddenly, just like that. Weird. I haven't gone to sleep. I have a "date" at 10 tonight and I still have to get up early to go to a CPR instructor course. Man, I am going to be exhausted. But I got approval to have Sunday off. Then Monday, it will start my new life of 8 hour days. Oh to be done with work by 4pm! What the hell will I do with myself? I'll be able to cook dinner in between workdays. Very alien. I'm worried about my guys on shift though. It's sudden. One day I'm on a midwatch, the next, POOF! I'm gone. No longer their LPO. I feel bad leaving them. They are a great bunch of guys. I hope the person taking my place appreciates them. They better, or I might have to kick some ass. It's going to be strange having a normal schedule. This is what keeps running through my head. That, and how fucking tired I am right at this moment.

Working girl, living in a man's world

Well, I haven't posted in a while, and you know what that means, usually. Okay, maybe you don't. I'm working the night shift and trying to get in as much sleep as possible. Today, it was a whole five hours.

News on the work front:
Next month I will no longer be doing shift work. Normal schedule, here I come! Sadly, I'm going to miss only working two days at a time, but at least it will only be 8 hours a day - minus the two hour lunches.

The head inspector from the Inspector General made a surprise visit yesterday. Mind you, they were due on the 29th for the entire base, but I guess we are special because he specifically showed to do an inspection on my command. This should be fun.

I've asked to have my first day watch coming up off since I'll be working the two days prior and I have things I need to do, like rent, (it's somewhat of a production to get done over here) rental car, trying to get information about getting my personal car over here from Texas, and other general errands. I was told it wasn't going to be a problem, but I'll believe it when I am holding that approved paperwork in my hot little hands.

Personally, well, not a whole lot has changed. I finally got over the flu which made me utterly miserable. I'm starting to think of craft projects I can start, but I'm only getting snippets of ideas coming through the ether that is my brain. I need inspiration! I feel like every idea I once had has now been sucked out of me.

Speaking of sucking, I need to get to work.

Never go to bed angry

I am empty of vitriol, though the anger still simmers under the surface. I keep running scenarios through my head. Me mouthing off to the wrong person, my retirement decision made for me right there along with losing a rank, two months pay and getting 30 days restriction. Not a good way to go out, I assure you. And I'm not really that big on getting in trouble. It's better that these thoughts stay inside my brain where I can reign them in with one quick stab of a q-tip.

I'm not sure where this sudden anger comes from. Maybe I'm fed up with the helpless feeling. I have never really thought of myself as a woman in the Navy whilst amongst others of my own kind. I've always just been Another Sailor. Sure, when civilians are around, it's different. I'm always asked how I feel, what's it like being one, et al. But I have prided myself for never taking the "female route". Nothing has been too heavy for me that wasn't heavy for a man. I've never not thought I could accomplish something because of my gender. I've never taken advantage of anything nor anyone because I have a vagina. So if I don't feel this way, and I don't act this way, why is it getting thrown in my face by the very people that are supposed to squash this sort of behavior? It's unimaginable. And let me also say that I've never been out to prove that as a woman, I can do the same job as good, if not better, as a man. I just do my damn job.

There is an inspection by the Inspector General starting next week. I will not be talking to them unless they ask me a question. Why, after everything I've said? Because it's hearsay, and even though I think it's wrong, I cannot, by my own personal Code of Conduct, make hearsay into fact. I have listened to my fellow females talk about this, but because I was not directly involved, I will say nothing. I do not have enough ducks to put onto the Ark, much less into a row. I cannot simply jump on the bandwagon. Yes, the treatment angers me. Yes, I feel that it's immoral and detrimental to good order and discipline. But I cannot join hands with those wronged directly and be expected to be taken seriously by repeating the stories I have heard from them. They are just not my stories to tell.

In better news

A letter I sent to Navy Times got published. When I went to the Chief's exam, the Master Chief in charge told me how much he appreciated the letter. Basically, it was in response to some commander in Norfolk, Va who didn't think that a guy I worked with should have been listed in the Human Toll protion of the paper because Bahrain wasn't a battleground and the section was ONLY for the support for the war. I can't find his original letter, but here's my response.

Not sure if this is a midlife crisis...

But I am seriously rethinking the whole retirement thing. My current enlistment is up this December. I'm not sure I can do this for another 4 and a half years. The burnout is taking its toll. I feel as if I'm fighting this undercurrent of discrimination and futility. I'm tired of putting my life on hold because I never know where I'm going next. Yes, I know, I don't have that long to go, but look how long I've put everyone and everything to the side because of this. I've never felt so useless as a First Class as I have here, and my dumbass extended for another year. It has recently come to my attention that someone high up in my chain of command told a junior person that women do not belong in the military. I find this thinking archaic and just utterly retarded. It's hearsay, of course, but still. In this day and age, why would you say something like that? And to the most junior of personnel? I am flabbergasted. And oh so disappointed. The top three senior First Classes in my department are all female (including me) and we hold jobs that any Second Class can do. No real authority. Tell me this is NOT a problem! I am tired of playing the game. So tired. I want it to be done already. There is a new message regarding the newest Early Out program, and I was looking into it, but I do not qualify. I missed it by three months. I left San Diego with a good eval, I get here and it is average. It's average because of the position that they have put me in. I've offered my services many times to make things better for those under me, to no avail. The big guys in Washington are always talking about change, but things are just staying the same because those in higher positions are still old and still think of the military as some Good Ole Boys Club and it's sad. It's sad because not only do we fight for people to have so many rights that we ourselves cannot enjoy, but for all the bullshit they talk about Equal Opportunity, the military has become a joke and is the epitome of oxymoron, and its worst offender. We have become our own worst enemy.