Did I Shave My Legs For This?: Something I should have posted here as well

I made a post in my livejournal, but I should have done it here as well. So I'm posting it now. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything, but I also don't want to censor my feelings when I post here, which I admit to doing. I apologize.

I also want to apologize for not answering any emails. I haven't been able to focus on much the past few days enough to write specifically to one person. I don't have the energy. I hope you understand the cut and paste.

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My day started at 4:30am. It's 6:37pm now and I just got home.

I am one tired, sore puppy. Speaking of puppies, our CO's little one (who seems to be our mascot at the moment and brings a wee bit of morale) got a new name yesterday. He's this little furball that likes to bite. But he is going to be big!

Anyway.

I'm tired, I'm worn out, and I'm grumpy. I was busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest today. Did I mention I woke up at 4:30am? I used an exercise machine yesterday that my back wasn't used to and man am I paying the price. And I'm grumpy because I want J to be here right now. I could use a cuddle. One day. In August. I hope.

Lately there has been all this negativity around me. And my brain seems to be underwater. I can't focus on anything for too long and when people talk, it's like listening to Charlie Brown's teacher. Wah wah wah. I need a vacation. I need some peace and quiet. I need...stability. It's the only way I can explain it. How else can I describe how I've been feeling the past few days? Maybe like I'm the camera in the Blair Witch Project, or a really bad MTV video. All jiggly and chaotic and hard to understand. I can't even sit still here and focus enough to write this. I have to constantly refresh web sites on two different computers and I can't listen to a song on iTunes completely through. My brain seems to be on crack and I'm having a really hard time trying to keep up. I wish there existed a thing that could just plug into my head and record everything that goes on in there, then it would be converted into a journal entry, with editing, of course. That would be so weird. And possibly embarrassing. There are some x-rated thoughts in there, as well as a fetish for 80's music.

It's not the first time I though maybe I have adult ADD. Mind you, it comes and goes. It's pretty proportional to the amount of crap I have on my plate. Maybe I'm just so busy that I can't focus on only one thing at a time. Maybe I'm trying to do much at once, or taking on too much, like an obese person trying to put on a pair of spandex shorts. Yay! Yet another thing I get to add to the myriad mix of crap using my gray matter as a jungle gym.

Oh, in case nobody knew this already - my internet access sucks big old donkey dicks! I know that I should be happy that I have access and all that look at the positive bullshit people like to spout and I'm not in the mood for, but when it affects me being able to email J on his lunch break, then it starts to make me really cranky. FUCK BATELCO AND THEIR INTERNET MONOPOLY!